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naw ya got me

I know how it feels when you think no one pays attention to you. When you feel like no one seems to care about your opinion or that you're even there. Know that I notice, That they notice. That you have amazing insight to bring up. That its that shitty little voice trying to drag you down that makes us all feel like we are not enough.

The entire atmosphere would be nothing without you. You are such an integral part it's almost in-conceptual for everyone to consider.

In order to realize your worth you must be able to tell that tiny voice  to shut the fuck up. To be quiet. To know, that That voice does NOT own you.

I struggle with this concept a lot. I've realized how much easier it is for me to say No then Yes. To give up rather than keep going. The fact of the matter is that we ARE going to kick ass. You just have to continue to tell yourself that.

This quote really stuck with me "Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm" from Winston…

WEIRD

It's made my heart very happy to know that I'm not the only one who thinks this year has been weird.... I don't know if it's the weather, the classes, going out, or the fact that bars have been so weird. But everything seems off. It feels like I don't know anything that's going on in my classes even though I am actually going to them. Going out has gotten lame because it's the same thing every single night, but I still feel weird not going out. And it feels like I'm not seeing anyone.

I don't know what's happened but I think it's so odd that so many people feel this way... I really don't get what's happening but I feel better that I'm not alone. I'm not going out though so shouldn't I already be ahead in my classes... like I'm not hungover THAT'S HUGE??? But idk. Shits been off. Way off.

Weird. Weird. Weird.

I think we need to hire a detective because I'm super confused.

Champaign I miss you.

Come back.

Sincer…

Still here dontcha worry

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I haven't posted in a while because I really haven't known what to say. This semester has been really weird... it doesn't feel like I'm back on campus it's like a weird in-between. I feel like that's how junior starts for most *or I'm assuming/ hoping I'm not alone in that* classes are harder and it's weird how disconnected I feel with everyone.

I feel surprisingly relaxed this morning and I'm super pumped because I woke up at 8, showered, and EVEN made myself eggs. I also DID THE DISHES. Accomplishing the little things has really helped me to feel organized and like my shit is semi together.

Currently lying in bed because I don't have class until 11... I feel guilty for not practicing my script right now but my game plan is to go ham between classes.

I'm elated to be in a play... I really want to do an incredible job and know all my lines inside out. I'm really looking forward to the play. When I found out I actually got a lead role…

0.o

Being able to look yourself in the mirror and truly be accountable is the scariest thing in the world. The shittiest feeling is that I didn't want to. I didn't want to write, I didn't want to try, I didn't believe in myself.

Being able to admit you care about someone more than yourself is even scarier because you have to break down walls. You have to allow yourself to be more, to be the person they see you as. That you may not be able to.

I took my blog off my instagram because it felt fake. It didn't feel real anymore or like I've been able to write about things I've been going through. We all have struggles but with the constant banging of social media it's a lot easier to act like you don't care than be real with how much you do.

I don't want to ever look back and regret anything, so I've


^ I don't even want to finish that sentence because I do regret. I regret a lot now. I regret thinking I didn't care, I regret lying to myself t…

Never lie to yourself

I put myself in a position where I completely ruined something amazing. The sad fact is it's all avoidable. All these shitty choices, but it's easier to be scared and not be honest and to literally lie to yourself instead of actually being vulnerable and taking risks.

This really shitty situation is what I'm going to have to carry with me. To realize I can't just lie to myself about feelings and what I want to be doing. I have to stop second guessing myself. I wish I could hit a button and know exactly what to do and what I will be the happiest accomplishing. But no one knows. Nothing is absolute. The power we hold as human beings is how we react. The only thing in life we can control is our behavior, our thoughts, and our actions. It all cycles into creating beautiful things, opportunities, and relationships or ruining them. Letting yourself believe this is the best it will get, is a LIE. We are in charge of our future. We are the ones who decide. We choose whether to…

SOOOOoo many things

I've been super lame recently. Very pessimistic and just dull. Like why do that to myself when I can literally control my reaction to situations. We have the ability to decide how we react. I'm back to focusing onALL THE DOPE THINGS IN LIFE. Like right now: I'm having a bomb ass bowl of cereal. and I'm going to get a mani/pedi monday cause that sounds fun... and I have my second city acting class sunday :) LIKE HELLO


AHHHH

So this is just me saying we are too cool and fun to be lame. we can't be lame. We have to GO FOR IT. no doubt no second guessing, full out.

YES AND.


YES AND YES AND. *improv yo* #FULLCIRCLE oooo

I'm back slowly, but surely

waiting for a train

I remember in school I always maintained my grades but there was always a but when parent-teacher conferences came around. But Shelby has trouble being quiet when she’s supposed to, she can be distracting to her peers etc. etc. So I have lived to try to be QUIET and the second I saw myself doing this in Improv, I froze. I felt afraid and I didn’t want to be the one to a cut a scene or be rude, and seem like I was interrupting. Turns out, that’s exactly what I’m supposed to do in Improv. Not second guess myself, trust my instincts, rely on my partners, and GO FOR IT. To not rely on someone else to cut the scene, but if I think it’s time to move on- to fucking go for it.

I really wish I could go into more detail about the intensive but it feels like a blur, a blur I wish everyone would experience. It’s really invigorating.
Last night, I was being a very dramatic version of myself. I was upset because I was starting my internship this morning, but I felt it wasn’t helping my ~acting~ car…