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Being able to look yourself in the mirror and truly be accountable is the scariest thing in the world. The shittiest feeling is that I didn't want to. I didn't want to write, I didn't want to try, I didn't believe in myself.

Being able to admit you care about someone more than yourself is even scarier because you have to break down walls. You have to allow yourself to be more, to be the person they see you as. That you may not be able to.

I took my blog off my instagram because it felt fake. It didn't feel real anymore or like I've been able to write about things I've been going through. We all have struggles but with the constant banging of social media it's a lot easier to act like you don't care than be real with how much you do.

I don't want to ever look back and regret anything, so I've


^ I don't even want to finish that sentence because I do regret. I regret a lot now. I regret thinking I didn't care, I regret lying to myself t…

Never lie to yourself

I put myself in a position where I completely ruined something amazing. The sad fact is it's all avoidable. All these shitty choices, but it's easier to be scared and not be honest and to literally lie to yourself instead of actually being vulnerable and taking risks.

This really shitty situation is what I'm going to have to carry with me. To realize I can't just lie to myself about feelings and what I want to be doing. I have to stop second guessing myself. I wish I could hit a button and know exactly what to do and what I will be the happiest accomplishing. But no one knows. Nothing is absolute. The power we hold as human beings is how we react. The only thing in life we can control is our behavior, our thoughts, and our actions. It all cycles into creating beautiful things, opportunities, and relationships or ruining them. Letting yourself believe this is the best it will get, is a LIE. We are in charge of our future. We are the ones who decide. We choose whether to…

SOOOOoo many things

I've been super lame recently. Very pessimistic and just dull. Like why do that to myself when I can literally control my reaction to situations. We have the ability to decide how we react. I'm back to focusing onALL THE DOPE THINGS IN LIFE. Like right now: I'm having a bomb ass bowl of cereal. and I'm going to get a mani/pedi monday cause that sounds fun... and I have my second city acting class sunday :) LIKE HELLO


AHHHH

So this is just me saying we are too cool and fun to be lame. we can't be lame. We have to GO FOR IT. no doubt no second guessing, full out.

YES AND.


YES AND YES AND. *improv yo* #FULLCIRCLE oooo

I'm back slowly, but surely

waiting for a train

I remember in school I always maintained my grades but there was always a but when parent-teacher conferences came around. But Shelby has trouble being quiet when she’s supposed to, she can be distracting to her peers etc. etc. So I have lived to try to be QUIET and the second I saw myself doing this in Improv, I froze. I felt afraid and I didn’t want to be the one to a cut a scene or be rude, and seem like I was interrupting. Turns out, that’s exactly what I’m supposed to do in Improv. Not second guess myself, trust my instincts, rely on my partners, and GO FOR IT. To not rely on someone else to cut the scene, but if I think it’s time to move on- to fucking go for it.

I really wish I could go into more detail about the intensive but it feels like a blur, a blur I wish everyone would experience. It’s really invigorating.
Last night, I was being a very dramatic version of myself. I was upset because I was starting my internship this morning, but I felt it wasn’t helping my ~acting~ car…

i wish it was my city

I didn’t even attempt to write a blog post while I was in my 3 day intensive because I wanted to be able to take it all in. I have never felt more in touch with who I am and who I want to be then when I was at it. It was the coolest, craziest, silliest three days of my life. When my dad asked what I did and I tried to explain it to him after my first day he goes “Sounds like you had a great play date”.
I LITTERALLY GOT TO PLAY. AND PEOPLE GET PAID TO DO THAT. I WANNA BE THEM. I became really close with a couple of the people in my group. The craziest part was that we had no commonalities from the beginning but by the last day I saw so much of myself in the people around me… it really goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover. Also the fact is that I was so nervous I almost didn’t go, and that would have been the lamest thing in the entire world.

FOUND THE GREATEST HIGH EVER.

I swear I must be on every single drug possible or something, because I feel so happy it's confusing me. I feel actually insane because everything makes sense. It's the weirdest craziest feeling in the entire world. 
I'm embarrassed as I typed that^ bc I am worried people are going to think I've actually gone insane.
*This is my HOLY SHIT enlightenment moment where I'm ACTUALLY doing what I want to, without hesitating*.
I feel so DRAINED but this has never happened because normally I sleep all day and then am out until like god knows how many days later, because it's how I get my energy out. I have FOUND A WAY TO BE A PSYCHOPATH BUT FOR IT TO BE A POSITIVE THING.
Second City has stolen my heart, I am sorry you now have a crazy new stalker and I cannot promise you won't tell me to shut up, most people do... it is fine. but I cannot begin to describe how amazing I feel. Taking risks and allowing myself to TRY to do MORE. To be more, to push myself. I am in lo…

$2 tuesdays

If you haven't tried Brunswick on a tuesday night I highly recommend it.

I'm trying to go to bed early because I'm going to MOfreaking Secondcity tomorrow morning. This honestly feels like christmas.


not going to capitalize words i should.

goodnight- send good vibes; i'm very nervous